The hardest part of being a pastor

This has been a very difficult week. Many of you know the Kizer family. Bill passed away on Monday and services are tomorrow. I have performed many funerals over the years but most of the time I do not know the person that well or have not gotten all that close with their family. This time it is different. I had gotten to know Bill quite well over the past fews years and his family and ours have connected regularly. Jenna his daughter has pretty much become a fixture around here on Thursdays as she hangs out with our kids and watches them during our small group. I guess that's what makes this so difficult.

As a pastor you are always supposed to be the strong one. The one with the level head. The person who doesn't struggle. For me I have never been able to live up to those lofty standards...but those perceptions are out there none the less. I feel I have thrived with the Old Fort Church congregation because I have been real with them and opened my heart to them. This time it is no different. I will be presiding over a funeral that I would still attend had I not been his pastor. That makes it hard when you are one of those that are mourning and at the same time have to be the one guiding the whole process. I know it will be a powerful time for all as we celebrate Bill's life and as we celebrate that Jesus has conquered death and that Bill is in a better place. However my heart aches for the family and my heart aches for me. I am going to miss Bill. I will miss him lumbering around the church with is oxygen tank in tow. I will miss his deep theological questions that nobody can answer including the pastor. I will miss his stubborn ornery nature and all the conversations we had about the Buckeyes. Most of all I will miss how he cared for my family and the compassion he had for my daughter Isabel. He is one of many people who have lifted her up and believes she is destined for great things. That always meant so much to me. He always had a sparkle in his eye and a smile on his face when we talked about her

I am so glad that I am a pastor. I am so glad that I get to be a significant part of peoples lives. I am glad for being able to spend the day with the family in prayer as Bill passed away. However it never gets any easier when helping people work through the loss of their loved one. It makes it even harder when you yourself loved them too. God, I ask that you be with the Kizer family. Continue to provide for their need and give them the strength and courage they need in this difficult time. God be with us all tomorrow at the celebration of life service for Bill Kizer. A-men. Bill you are already missed. Blessings, Your Dreaming Pastor