Have you won lately?

...you know what I am talking about. That moment when you know you are right and that you are carrying the proper and healthy perspective in this whole thing. Knowing that the person you are about to talk to doesn't have the right idea and needs some of your wisdom. So you engage them in conversation and the entire time your working your strategy to WIN the conversation, the argument, the disagreement, or whatever it is.

I was struck by the first line of my morning devotion from Rick Warren. He said, "stop trying to win arguments." Wow! that hit me right between the eyes. This is one of those things that I don't recognize that I am necessarily doing but now look back and wonder how many times has this been my motivation? Another phrase quickly kicked into my mind after reading this line. "You can win an argument and still wind up losing." "You can be right right in the end but still be wrong in the long run." This is never more true than in marriage. I can't tell you how many times I have "won" a conversation or argument with Erin...or proved that I was right and in the end I still lose and lose big time. Guys, you know what I am talking about.

The point here is the goal of a conversation isn't to win, or even to make sure we got our point across....but it is to add value and love to the other persons life. If we live with a Godly perspective this is our major motive, and a pure one at that. All other motivations are self serving and can even be manipulative to try and get a favorable outcome for us. Without love and God's direction our conversations can sound more like the Presidential debate than a healthy exchange of God's love and grace. God knows, we don't need another one of those debates. I am really taking a look at my life, my conversational style, and evaluating my motives when I engage in conversation. Too often my goal is to get my point across, to try and steer that person in a direction I want them to go rather than just listening and lovingly responding to their concerns and needs. What a smack in the head...Lord forgive me.

In the long run I sense that the major fix here is to do more listening than talking when it comes to these moments. When we give others the freedom and create the environment for them to share without having to give our thoughts/perspective/ or fix-all solutions we are more hospitable and less hostile. I am learning everyday how helpful and how hurtful my communication can be. Our words, our tone, our nonverbal communication all create a package that either gives people the freedom to be who they are. Or it suggests that we are in a competition with them to try and win at all costs the conversation and argument that lays before us. The Bible tells us to, "let there be real harmony" between us in our lives and conversations. The problem isn't usually with them but with me. How abut you?
In Community with you,
Your Dreaming Pastor