Well I have a kidney stone. This is not the first time. About 6 years ago I had my first and it was a nightmare. It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced. That one lasted only a few days and then I passed it. However the one I am dealing with is a little more stubborn. As a matter of fact I never thought I would experience as much pain as I had 6 years ago. I was wrong this one is worse. It started on Sat. morning and intensified on Monday. In fact I was doubled over in the fetal position for 4 hours on Monday before finally going back to the ER. The doctor gave me the strongest narcotic possible and I finally got relief. I wound up staying the night in the hospital (something I had never done before) and cam home late last night on Tuesday.
It is a scary feeling knowing I am carrying this thing in my body. I can feel it there and know something just isn't right. I am not always in pain but the thought of the excruciating pain I have had in the past is always in the back of my mind. I say a prayer every time I go to the bathroom hoping to be rid of this nightmare. It reminds me that we all carry something that can get the best of us at any moment. Just when we think we have it licked it rears its ugly head and reminds us that it still has a grip on us. It usually surfaces in a hurt, habit, or hang-up and is extremely painful. Can you relate? My stone haunts me when i go to bed and it is there to say hello to me when I wake up. I goes with me to work and is there for me at home. It really is at the forefront of my life. I have tried trusting God for it and giving to Him but I fear that I am not doing a good job at that.
I do believe that in this painful process that God is trying to work something for the good in His perfect plan. I just haven't discovered it yet. It would be so easy for me to get angry with God and ask Him "why me?" Then however I realize that there are so many that are worse off than me. I start asking then why not me? Then I find myself more fully opening up to the fact that God loves me and walks with me. I am not alone in this struggle...but it still HURTS! That's OK it is part of life. I am praying for the day that it ends and I ask you to do the same for me. I must admit I have never prayed so hard before going to the bathroom as I have in the past three days. It actually has brought me to a new awareness and reliance on God. I seek His face every time the pain comes and it causes me to rely on Him more so than if the pain wasn't there. This ticking time bomb has overstayed its welcome, but I will continue to trust that God is working all things for the good even in my Kidney. Blessings, Your "in pain" Dreaming Pastor
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