Man how many times have I let Satan get a foothold in my life. Particularly around the issue of guilt and shame. Every time I mess up in life Satan is right there to tell me what a lousy person I am or that I have blown it. The biggest area of weakness for me right now is with parenting. There are times where I scream and holler and blow my stack and the feelings that come from that later are just horrible. I feel guilt, shame, and conviction. There are voices that tell me I am a lousy dad and it will never get any better so why even try. Then there are other voices that tell me that I have made a mistake and to pick myself up off the ground and try again. This voice I sense believes in me...is not condemning me but challenging me to be better.
It is so hard to sometimes separate God's genuine conviction in our life from the lies Satan wants to plant in us. I can relate to John E. in his book Walking With God. So often I get confused between what is my fault and what am I responsible for and what actually is Satan just trying to guilt me away from God or shame me into doing something or believing something stupid. This is one of the hardest spiritual battles I feel like I face on a regular basis. I do more often than I'd like wonder if God still forgives me. I often think there are moments where I have blown it and God is far from me and wants nothing to do with me. Man those are lies and I hate those thoughts!!! I am working on bringing the work of Jesus into those moments to discern what is actually something I need to work on or what is it that I just need to ignore because it will only pollute my heart more. Satan is such a big fat liar!
I really think this book has helped me greatly. I love truth that it gave me about my life and my life with God. If I really wanted to be evil and turn my back from God than why does it distress me so to think that? If I really wanted to live a life of sin than why is there so much conviction and hurt that wells up out of my heart when I entertain those thoughts. In other words I am not inherently evil. I have not blown it. Sin doesn't have a strangle hold on my life. To the contrary the bible promises something entirely different. Because of the power of Christ Scripture says that I am, "dead to sin". Sin no longer has control of me because I am Christ's. What reassurance!!! This chapter was huge for me. It gave me some new truths bout how God sees me and how I can trust His feelings about me. Thanks Lord for believing in me when I don't believe in myself. You are an awesome God!
Walking Together,
Your Dreaming Pastor
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