Boy how many times in my life have I blown it. Where I know I have messed up and gone a different direction then where God is going. It is so easy in these times to let Satan's little subtle agreements to creep in at these times. Satan will mess with my concience and convince me that it is all my fault and that I am know God. That God is going to leave me behind and that this one was the straw that broke the camels back. He paints picutres in my mind of God utterly dissapointed with me and angry at me. Yeah you've really blwn it this time John! Why do I think like this? Why is it so easy to get down on ourselves. How come I am so quick to listen to and buy into what Satan in trying to do in me?
Yesterday Hailey spent the morning with me at the office. When she first arrived by being dropped off by her mother she was in another one of her foul moods. Howver this time isstead of responding in frustration and agner like I normally do. I went the opposite direction. I welcomed her in to my office. I had her sit on my lap. And I had this overwhelming sense from God that I was just to let her know in how many ways I love her and am proud of her. We did this for some time and it was rich. However Satan was creeping in again. He was telling me what lousy father I am and how much I had blown it with Hailey and the rest of the kids. He was trying to convince me that it was never goign to get better and there was nothing I could do about. I was definately expereiince some warfare. Satan was trying to steal the joy of the moment sitting there with Hailey.
As we were sitting there and all these lousy thoughts started creeping in. I suddenly heard from God. I heard, "there is something you can do." Spend more time with her...take her to lunch." Wow suddenly this peace came over me and I was filled with hope for my relationship with her and my parenting skills. I obeyed and took her to lunch. Funny though, the rest of the morning all these things popped up tht tried to convince me that we couldn't go, but I shrigged them off because I was certain this is what God wanted. We went to lunch and ate together and didn't really say very much. Once lunch was over we could have left but I wanted to stay. I sensed God wasn't done with this moment. I decided to just hang out with her for awhile and just talk...I asked her what here favorite part of the summer was and she started talking and never stopped. She asked me questions and I talked and we just shared what we liked about vacation and Lakeside. We talked aobut our family. It was a rich time. A great connection with my daughter.
Then it hit me. How necessary was this. How important it was for me to spend time with Hailey and invest in her and just listen to her share about her life and her day. It opened doors...specificaly the door of convcition for me. No longer was this guilt and shame that I had first had in the day. Now there was this powerful presence of God filling me with loving gracefull correction, redirection, and conviction. God was using this moment to not beat me over the head but to love me and give me a beautiful picture of what my relatinship with my kids could look like. I had made the agreement along time ago that with all the kids we had that I was never going to be able to have the patience of the pleasure of nurturing these kinds of relationships. Now God was challenging me to let go of those agreements. He was giving me a chance to change. How awesome is He!
As a result of God's work in my life in this area I have already made some speciffic and necessary changes and adjustments. This is always the hard part isn't it. It's one thing to have God speak to us and show us something. It is altogether harder to make changes to adjust to it. I was much more attentive to my kids all day yesterday and even this morning than I normally would be. It has been good. Thank you God for revealing to me in your loving way the new work you want to do in me. Thank you for not just letting me settle for a mediocre life but a life of righteousness with You. God continue to mold me and shape me into the father, the husband, the pastor, and the man you want me to be.
May today be a great day for you to connect with what God wants to do in you. Live beyond the garbage that Satan wants to pollute our minds with and grasp onto the truth of God's voic in your life. Blessings!
Walking Together,
Your Dreaming Pastor
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